me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Damn victory sex feels great
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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