Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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