maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
