we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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