Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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