Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
