Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
