Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
