I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
