Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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