Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize