okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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