Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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