just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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