I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
