Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
