i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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