I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They have beer where we have blood.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
