just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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