are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That accounts for only three of the penises
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
