well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
