Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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