I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish there were birth control emojis
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
