a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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