I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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