I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
