Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize