i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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