There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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