He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my being single is dangerous.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
