I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
