so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
