I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
