You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We talked him into tasing himself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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