i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
