so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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