I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
