I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Two words: nipple clamps
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