If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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