And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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