i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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