she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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