Tell her she can't have a vagina
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
