my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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