if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
