I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
