If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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