i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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