Just cropdusted the office
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
