I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
