I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
