You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
