You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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