Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
