i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
