There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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