Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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