Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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