dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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