I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
