We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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