You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
