stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize