If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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