So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
