i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
