I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
