dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
