Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
