I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
