I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
