explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize