So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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