it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
