i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
