dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I enjoy the company of your penis
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
